Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
do nipples grow back?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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