i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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