Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
