Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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