i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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