i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I need moral support for this bender
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
