Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
