Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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