i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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