I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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