who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
