For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
