who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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