It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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