Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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