im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
