"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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