if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
