So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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