i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
