Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
We smell like vodka and hangover
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
