I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
