The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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