Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can't turn off my feet"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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