He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
