i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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