you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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