Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
