And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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