think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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