Umm I'm too high to move.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
