It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
