so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
