Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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