Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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