weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
