Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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