I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
