he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
