You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
