i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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