I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
