So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
