You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
