Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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