you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
