He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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