halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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