Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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