Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
