Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
