Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
