some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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