All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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