I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
