just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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