Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
no, he came in my armpit
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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