he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
