I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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