My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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