woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
