I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
