Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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