I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
