I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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