I like my sex mixed with concussions.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize