guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
