Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize