you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
