Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
